Welcome to the website of Ohev Sholom -- The National Synagogue.

Get over it. It's not so bad. You'll be fine. Don't make it harder on yourself. These are some of the many things that others tell us when we experience a loss. Whether it is a loss of a loved one, a divorce or a break-up, or losing a job, most people's reactions are similar. If they're really sensitive, they'll support you through the difficult time ahead. If not, they make you feel bad about feeling bad, like you don't deserve a few days of grief to deal with the loss. Is there anything that really helps? Is there anything that will really console us?

Perhaps we can learn something about consolation from the Torah. In this morning's parsha, the Torah tells us that after marrying Rebecca, Isaac is consoled after his mother's death. It seems like an offhanded statement, completely out of context. After all, at no point do we hear that Isaac is upset about his mother's death. According to the Midrash, Sarah dies because she hears about the near-sacrifice of Isaac that we read in last week's parsha. Abraham returns and eulogizes her, and at once begins the process of procuring a gravesite, and in so doing he cements his claim on the land where he is living. But what about Isaac? We never hear about the psychological trauma that he experiences-first to be almost killed by your own father, and then to know that this event triggers your own mother's death? A psychiatrist's dream, certainly. Years of therapy would be in Isaac's future, were he living today. But the Torah doesn't tell us that Isaac is upset. Maybe he has just "gotten over it." Maybe the loss doesn't affect him in any profound way. The one thing that we do know is that from the time of the Akeidah until now, Isaac has nothing to say, at least nothing that the Torah finds worth recording.

Either Isaac is not bothered at all by these events, or perhaps, they are the cause of his silence. I'm reminded of the Who's Tommy-the boy who witnesses his mother's lover kill his father, and when told not to speak of it, loses his capacity to see, hear, and speak. Perhaps Isaac is angry at his father for causing these events-though the commentaries often like to paint Isaac as a righteous believer from his birth, isn't it possible that Isaac was angry at his father for trusting God? It would seem a natural, human inclination for Isaac to say to his father, "if this is what God is asking of you, tell Him to forget the whole deal! We don't need this covenant, this mission, if it means child sacrifice is the ultimate expression of faith in God! Look at this, it even caused my mother's death!" Harsh words, I know. But I know that if I were faced with the same situation, I don't know that I could avoid feeling that way.

Isaac's quiet, questioning nature, suggests to me that he is aware of what is going on, but he is calm and reserved about how he challenges those things that he doesn't understand. In last week's parsha, as Abraham and Isaac are on their way up the mountain, Isaac asks innocently, "We have the fire and the wood, but where is the animal to be sacrificed?" I've always wondered whether Isaac was satisfied with Abraham's answer that "God will provide the lamb Himself." Isaac doesn't ask again, but I wonder whether he felt that Abraham's belief in God was so strong that it blinded him to all else.

So what was it about Rebecca that consoled Isaac? I believe that the answer lies in where Rebecca came from. Abraham, of course, sent his servant back to his relatives, to find a wife for Isaac among his own family rather than leaving Isaac to marry a Canaanite woman. But who was Rebecca? Rebecca came from the part of Abraham's family that didn't make it all the way. You will remember, of course, that Abraham's father, Terach, also left his home to go towards Canaan, but he ends up settling in Haran. Rebecca comes from the part of the family that has not made it to Abraham's level of belief, but is on the path towards understanding God. Rebecca, like her family, and like Isaac, is unsure of her belief, unsure of what her relationship with God will be. For this reason Isaac and Rebecca are meant to be together-two souls struggling with their relationships to God. Rebecca shows her struggle later in her life-rather than relying on God's promise that Jacob will inherit, she tries to take matters into her own hands!

Isaac loves Rebecca because he finds in her a kindred spirit. With a partner who shares his doubts and his fears, he can work on his relationship with God, knowing that he is not alone. But what does this have to do with Sarah? Why does this marriage console Isaac? A famous comment by Rashi suggests that while Sarah was alive, there was always light in the tent, and a cloud would be stationed there. In short, God's presence was in their home. When Sarah died, those things ceased, but they returned, according to Rashi, when Rebecca married Isaac. Rebecca was able to soothe Isaac's fears, and so together they could begin to approach God again, even after the traumas they had faced. Sarah brought God's presence into the tent with her strength and her confidence about what was right. Rebecca and Isaac together could accept that true belief in God and love of God is often tested, but it is ultimately worthwhile because of the promises that God made. Isaac strengthens his relationships with other people by marrying someone who shared his struggle. This eventually allows him to make his peace with God.

What is the lesson for us? Can Isaac's consolation help us get over the things that upset us? Perhaps. Perhaps the lesson is that sometimes one relationship in our lives can disappoint us. Our parents, our spouse, and God-occasionally these relationships deteriorate. Sometimes we need to focus our attention on other relationships so we can get some perspective on the one that's having trouble. I believe that our relationships with God often fit into this category-sometimes God is who we run to when our other relationships are deteriorating, and sometimes God is the one who we are running away from. That's OK-sometimes we need a break from our relationship with God-but we have to remember that once we regain our strength from our other relationships, we can approach God again with the knowledge that we're not doing it alone. Perhaps that's what this community is really for.