August 14, 2020
How to Celebrate Our Holidays This Year
Re’eh, 5780
This week we read parashat Re’h in the midst of one of the worst pandemics in the history of our country with more than 160,000 souls already dead. Every day as we gather in person and on zoom for prayers, I desperately daven for this pandemic to cease.
Our Torah portion does not tell us exactly how we are supposed to mourn for a loved one who dies, but it does tell us how we are not supposed to mourn.
The Torah says:
You are children of Hashem (banim atem la-Hashem Elokeichem). Do not gash yourselves (lo titgodedu) nor shave the front of your heads on account of the dead (Devarim, 14:1).
This is the prohibition of lo titgodedu—of not mutilating one’s body in response to death.
Rashi (ad loc.) explains the reason for this prohibition and the reason why the prohibition is specifically connected to us being the children of Gd:
“You shall not make cuttings and incisions in your flesh for the dead in the way the Amorites do because you are children of the Lord and it is therefore becoming for you to be comely and not cut one’s body and walk around with hair torn out.”
In other words there was an ancient practice amongst the neighbors of the Israelites to inflict wounds upon one’s body as part of the mourning process. The Torah prohibits this because we are all children of Gd and it is not appropriate for us to disfigure our own bodies. Just like a parent would get upset if their child looks unkempt, so too, we are supposed to act like we are children of Hashem and represent Gd in a beautiful manner.
Torah Temimah (ad loc.) offers another explanation that is especially appropriate for our times. He writes:
“The main reason why there is a prohibition against mutilating one’s body while grieving for the dead is because we are all children of Hashem. Thus, we are not allowed to mourn “excessively” for the dead. Instead we should recognize that any harsh decree is like a parent who sometimes must act severely towards a child and it is certainly for good.”
Sadly there are some people who mutilate their own body because they feel unloved—by others and by Gd. According to the Torah Temimah, the reason we should not inflict marks on our body is because we must always remember that we are loved; we are “children of Hashem,” and therefore Hashem loves us. Even when the situation in our world appears dark and brutal, we must never forget this basic teaching of our tradition: Hashem loves us and will always love us.
Indeed, this is how Pirkei Avot explains this verse:
“Beloved is man for he was created in the image of Gd. Especially beloved is he for it was made known to him that he had been created in the image of Gd, as it is said: ‘for in the image of Gd He made human’ (Genesis 9:6). Beloved are Israel in that they were called children to the All-Present. Especially beloved are they for it was made known to them that they are called children of the All-Present, as it is said: “you are children to the Lord your God” (Deuteronomy 14:1, Avot: 3:14).
Pirkei Avot is reminding us that we are children of Gd and therefore will always be loved by Hashem.
Even in –or especially in--the midst of a raging pandemic we must remember the love that is always being transmitted to us from Hashem.
This is why there is a commandment against self-mutilation during the mourning process. It is a commandment for us to never forget the love that Hashem feels for us.
Of course, it is not inappropriate to grieve and to mourn. This is in fact required by Jewish law. It is however inappropriate to mourn and grieve more than what our tradition demands.
The same Torah portion that tells us not to grieve excessively also commands us to be happy as the Torah tells us that we must rejoice on our festivals.
“Vesmachta bechagecha, you shall rejoice on your festivals” (16:14).
This is a hard commandment. It is a commandment of emotion. How can the Torah obligate us to feel happy? It can surely obligate us to do something. But to feel an emotion…that seems impossible!
My teacher, Rabbi Avi Weiss, explained to me that this verse is not commanding us to have pleasure but to be happy. There is a big difference between pleasure and happiness.
America is a country in which people are often seeking pleasure but in Judaism the real goal is not the pursuit of pleasure, but the ultimate desire to do good. As it states earlier in Devarim, “You shall do the upright and the good hayashar vehatov” (6:18).
It is our belief that the more we do good things, the more happiness we will have.
Pleasure is a passing emotion, whereas happiness is a powerful state of being which comes from leading a purposeful lead in pursuit of helping others.
When the Torah tells us to “rejoice on your holiday,” our holy Torah is not commanding us to pursue pleasure but rather happiness. True happiness will come when we act in a proper way that brings joy and strength to others.
This is the full context of the verse that commands us to rejoice on our holidays:
“You shall rejoice on your festival, with your son and daughter, your male and female servant, the Levite, the stranger, the orphan, and the widow in your communities.”
The context of the verse makes clear that the goal of the commandment to be happy on a holiday is not for us to achieve our own personal joy but to help gladden the lives of others.
So too, this is why our Talmud actually prohibits certain types of joy on our holidays. For example, the Talmud commands us not to get married even on an intermediate day of a Festival. The Talmud explains that if we would get married on the holiday then we would not be celebrating the holiday properly, “because then it is not joy of the festival but the joy of the spouse” (Moed Kattan, 8b). In other words, on a holiday the Torah is commanding us to strive for achieving a state of happiness by looking outwards with our actions in order to help others.
Before the Torah commands us to rejoice on our holidays, the Torah tells us:
“Give to him readily and have no regrets when you do so, for in return the LORD your God will bless you in all your efforts and in all your undertakings. For there will never cease to be needy ones in your land, which is why I command you: open your hand to the poor and needy kinsman in your land” (15:11).
This verse means that the more we give to the poor, the more we will have.
The Ben Ish Chai offers a parable to explain this concept.
One who gives charity often thinks that he or she is losing something from one’slife or net worth. What a mistake! Money comes and goes, but the merit of helping someone else remains forever.
There was once a father who was trying to teach his son math. He said to him if there would be ten birds on the roof and a hunter comes and shoots one of the birds then how many birds will remain? The son answered, “one bird.” The father said to the son, “Wrong.” There will be 9 birds left. The son said, “Forgive me dear father. When the hunter shoots a bird, all the other birds fly away, and only the dead bird remains.”
So too, a person’s money quickly will disappear without any remnant. Only the money that is given to help others will remain. Only the impact and merits of that gift will not disappear.
This week we will usher in Rosh Chodesh Elul . In doing so, we are bringing in an intense 7 week period of holidays and rejoicing. We are cognizant this year that our holidays will not be the same. But the core of our holiday season is not prayer services or even Torah study. The ultimate core is helping others. That is our path towards a life of happiness and service of Hashem. This year more than ever it is our spiritual responsibility to emphasize this aspect of our holidays. This year our holidays must be about helping others.
Shmuel Herzfeld
